THE BEGINNING
i was 7 when I first felt the touch of a man. At the age of 9, I knew what sex was. Though I had never experienced it at the time but I was well aware.
Sunday’s were considered play play day for me and my siblings, we stayed in a face me I face you compound somewhere in Lagos and on sundays my parents would go for their Sunday meetings after the morning mass. Sunday’s were my best days because I was so sure my parents would come back home with lots of goodies, mostly biscuits and groundnut at the time. My dad sometimes came back with garden egg and fried chicken and I and my siblings would fight for the larger share.
My parents were very well known in their meetings, they must have been a part of three or four different meetings at the time and they both held positions in most of these meetings. Sometimes, they would host meetings too at our house and i loved that the most because my dad would buy lots of drinks and mumcy would cook very delicious meals. Oh how I loved Sundays. This changed soon!
I was 7 at the time, it was another Sunday afternoon of play. My parents had left for their meetings and i was out playing with my siblings when he called me. I grumbled a little because I didn’t want to leave the drama we were acting. He was seated on the couch when I got in, wearing a short and no top. ‘Yes’ I answered as I walked in..
He stood up to close the curtain and then he asked why I was out playing with my church clothes, I remember mumbling something silly before he asked me to go to the room to change. We stayed in a room and parlour back then where we shared bathroom and toilet with the other tenants.
I went into the room to change into my house clothes, I was on my panties trying to look for something to wear when he came in. ‘Fine girl’ he said, I looked up. ‘How old are you now?’ I’m 7, I answered already feeling uneasy. I picked up a gown and raised my hands to put it on when he stopped me. It was then I noticed the bulge in his pants. He was standing so close to me, I thought of running outside but he must have read my mind because he instantly moved my hand to the bulge on his short.
He kept moving my hands up and down on the bulge and it seemed to go bigger with each movement. I just wanted it to end!
That went on for a few minutes before I felt the liquid on my hand, i saw that some had spilled on the carpet as well. Now that I think about it, he didn’t make a sound all along, I can remember still hearing my siblings playing outside.
He grabbed the bedsheet from the bed and wiped himself off with it. He wiped off the liquid from my hand as well. I didn’t quite understand what had happened at the time, but I remember thinking... “I’m going to hell.” He warned me to not tell a soul otherwise he would kill me with otapiapia(a well known poison for killing mosquitoes and rats at the time) , he went on to say how my mum would beat me and send me out of the house like the landlord did to his daughter.
I went outside to meet with my siblings but I remember feeling different. I had a secret! My siblings called out for me to join them but I just wanted to be left alone. I sat on the corridor for a while but ran to the toilet when I heard him open the door.
That was only the beginning...
P.S - It is paramount to note that even though I addressed myself as the first person in this story. It is in no way related to me.
Sunday’s were considered play play day for me and my siblings, we stayed in a face me I face you compound somewhere in Lagos and on sundays my parents would go for their Sunday meetings after the morning mass. Sunday’s were my best days because I was so sure my parents would come back home with lots of goodies, mostly biscuits and groundnut at the time. My dad sometimes came back with garden egg and fried chicken and I and my siblings would fight for the larger share.
My parents were very well known in their meetings, they must have been a part of three or four different meetings at the time and they both held positions in most of these meetings. Sometimes, they would host meetings too at our house and i loved that the most because my dad would buy lots of drinks and mumcy would cook very delicious meals. Oh how I loved Sundays. This changed soon!
I was 7 at the time, it was another Sunday afternoon of play. My parents had left for their meetings and i was out playing with my siblings when he called me. I grumbled a little because I didn’t want to leave the drama we were acting. He was seated on the couch when I got in, wearing a short and no top. ‘Yes’ I answered as I walked in..
He stood up to close the curtain and then he asked why I was out playing with my church clothes, I remember mumbling something silly before he asked me to go to the room to change. We stayed in a room and parlour back then where we shared bathroom and toilet with the other tenants.
I went into the room to change into my house clothes, I was on my panties trying to look for something to wear when he came in. ‘Fine girl’ he said, I looked up. ‘How old are you now?’ I’m 7, I answered already feeling uneasy. I picked up a gown and raised my hands to put it on when he stopped me. It was then I noticed the bulge in his pants. He was standing so close to me, I thought of running outside but he must have read my mind because he instantly moved my hand to the bulge on his short.
He kept moving my hands up and down on the bulge and it seemed to go bigger with each movement. I just wanted it to end!
That went on for a few minutes before I felt the liquid on my hand, i saw that some had spilled on the carpet as well. Now that I think about it, he didn’t make a sound all along, I can remember still hearing my siblings playing outside.
He grabbed the bedsheet from the bed and wiped himself off with it. He wiped off the liquid from my hand as well. I didn’t quite understand what had happened at the time, but I remember thinking... “I’m going to hell.” He warned me to not tell a soul otherwise he would kill me with otapiapia(a well known poison for killing mosquitoes and rats at the time) , he went on to say how my mum would beat me and send me out of the house like the landlord did to his daughter.
I went outside to meet with my siblings but I remember feeling different. I had a secret! My siblings called out for me to join them but I just wanted to be left alone. I sat on the corridor for a while but ran to the toilet when I heard him open the door.
That was only the beginning...
P.S - It is paramount to note that even though I addressed myself as the first person in this story. It is in no way related to me.
Who was he?
ReplyDeleteI was about 8/9 or even 7 when I experienced this too but in my case it wasn't just once. He used to touch my vagina& perform oral sex on me but he never penetrated me. He used to make me perform oral sex on him too. It affected me that on few occasions I tried trying it out with some of my playmates.
ReplyDeleteOne day, my Cousin came over (she was my agemate), he tried doing the same thing to her but she slapped his hand away& stood up. She threatened to report him. I started feeling guilty from that day onwards because I felt I was the one who allowed it& I should have spoken up like my Cousin did. He even told me some hurtful words after that incident. This guilt ate deep into my innocence& bubbly nature. I became secretive which was unlike me. This guilt advanced as I attained Puberty too. I became very rude& nasty to him (we still lived in the same house), Adukts around me cautioned me many times for being rude to him yet I was mute. I opened up partially to my mum one day& she was angry but the sexual assault had already stopped few years prior to this time. My mum was going to confront his mum& I later said I confused things up& that's not what happened because I wanted the case to die. If only it died, because it didn't. He aplogized to me one day& blamed it on Peer Pressure& youthful experiments. I started greeting hin again but nothing too cordial. When I had a crush on a bad guy at 14, he was the one who talked sense into my head& reminded me of how intelligent I was& how promising my future was. I entered Uni at 16& was extremely guarded. I have always been very close to my male friends but nothing too serious. I was so scared of messing up& ruining my future that I stayed off relationships( though I had a short,funny& childish relationship with a guy 3 years older before I entered Uni). Room mates& friends tried to influence me to loosen up but I didn't bulge. I am actually a very bright& intelligent& versatile girl( not bragging)& I attract older guys ( I have always liked older guys). I finally fell deeply& irrationally in love with one in my 3rd year. I was a fool for him but as time went on, I still didn't give in to our sexual attraction. He understood& didn't give me too much pressure. Let me just stop his gist here because it's another long emotional story for me.
Lest I forget, I was in my 1st/ 2nd year in Uni when I came home one Friday& followed my Parents for vigil. During the service, the invited Pastor said there was someone who had been too hurt she couldn't forgive the villain and even herself. He said the person has to forgive& let go so she could move on& so the guy could stop being stagnant( yeah I cursed him with stagnancy& my words& thoughts always come to pass). I cried like a baby& told God I forgave him. I think I did but I can't forget. I'm sorry(or maybe I am not) that the guy is still stagnant. I went ahead to finish Uni at a very young age& I work now but he's not halfway into what I have achieved. The dude is about 9 years older than I am.
I'd continue below.
I still have a secret diary where I pen down my thought& ease my stress& depression. It's funny how I had a depressive episode few months back& thoughts about the assault was part of what triggered it. I love to write& talk to myself a whole lot. I'm kinda bipolar. I'm someone who has many good& supportive friends who love me because i can be very friendly& I have a beautiful heart (according to them o, LOL). I'm that that Lady that tells People a little bit of everything so they think they have me all figured out but that's so untrue. Hehe.
DeleteHave I spoken about it to people? Yes I have mentioned it casually on some occasions given that i'm very empathic and passionate towards Rape or sexual assaults victims. A close friend in Primary School betrayed my trust and told other People about the little i told her about the episodes& that really got to me& hurt me so I clamped up& refused to tell people in detail. I haven't really let out the burden to any human, my best friend knows more than others but not how deeply emotional I still feel about it. One day, I'd be healed completely but till then, People should know that Sexual assault& it's consequences are deeper than we think they are. I hate rapists& sexual offenders with every fibre of my being. I get chills when I read or hear about sexual assault cases& most times I just ignore or run away from reading about them. Luckily for me, i'm Medically oriented& i'm on the path to educating& equipping myself to be a voice to the oppressed& hurt. I want to be a voice to the thousands of girls or Children generally whose innocence was stolen from them.
Ps: I'm sorry for any typos in my epistle& yeah, I think you are cool.
Thank you for sharing. I had chills reading this. 80 girls out of every 100 have been Sexual assaulted in one way or another. It was NOT your fault. You were young and scared. I hope that you heal someday, that one day you wake up and don't get angry when you think about him. I hope that we all do.
DeleteP.S: I think you are really cool too.