JUST THOUGHTS...

Lately, I’ve been feeling so unsettled. Feels like I can have a conversation but not for too long. I can be around people but not too many, or for too long, else I get irritated. I can laugh and smile but not too often, not too much. Not too wide. Because.... Just because it doesn’t feel right. It’s been a while since I saw him in my dreams, i used to see him in my dreams everyday and that gave me some sort of solace, some sort of hope that he is fine and that he will be home soon. But for months I haven’t seen him, I haven’t heard his voice in my sleep. I can’t shake away this sick feeling that something might be wrong. Is something wrong? Is everything wrong? As his birthday grew closer, the more difficult it was to shake away this feeling. With this pandemic spreading round the world, I can’t stop thinking about where he could be. Is he safe? It’s been five years and sometimes I feel like my life is out of my control , as if I was a character in some cruel writer’s novel. K

Hey Guys. So it’s been a minute since my last post. I have been pretty occupied with life and I’ve really struggled to find the time to any any extra activities for myself. I promise to finally find that balance and do better this year.🤞 Well, I’ve come to realize that at the end of every year,  we begin to crave for closure, we draw conclusions, add full stops, analyze facts, look back, and then make efforts to move on. We work on unfinished projects so we can move forward. Or so we believe. Or so we believe because we want to try hard to make plans with an eye to the future about which we are honestly uncertain. Because we never know where the present is going to take us in the end. As 2019 ends, I’ve decided to make my closure too, I am not an exception afterall...I remain human, I guess. Hmmm. This was a strange year. I spent the first part of it motionless, letting the waves of this ocean I sometimes call life hit me hard as I battled against it and everything. But I did

So, i was scrolling through my Instagram the other day and it got me thinking... A simple scroll down your Instagram feed can ruin your day. I’m not talking about a tragedy or an emotional post. I’m talking about your homeboy popping’ bottles in the club or your homegirl getting proposed to on her birthday with over a hundred pictures to document it. I’m talking about your friends travelling around the world. Truth is i have trained myself to ignore the noise and keep grinding away because the absolute worst thing that you can do to yourself mentally is to compare your life with those you see on social media  that are being presented to you on a daily basis. Your life might not be perfect but your time will come. It may not look like it right now, but if you’re putting in the work and staying focused with the end in mind, best believe you are getting closer to achieving your own goals and dreams. Just know that anyone that’s posting  ONLY  their successes has surely see

I walk through life on a daily capturing the attention of strangers solely based off on my physical characteristics. Noticing my light skin, smile and physique. Pretty, sexy, gorgeous have been terms used to address me and as much as i respect these compliments. I am much deeper than these. A lot of people miss the woman i am, the soul i sincerely have because they are consumed with the exterior. Imagine walking into an art gallery, so many beautiful paintings overlooked by the loud ones. The paintings you have overlooked is still there, not requesting to be looked at or taken, but once you look beyond the image, like really look, you find that there us more to it than meets the eyes. If you focus on my image, without penetrating beyond my physical attributes, you will miss my value. The beauty is in the soul. I realized early in life that being pretty is generally more of a burden than a benefit. When meeting people they grow interested in me because i appeal to the eyes.  B

 I’ve always believed in the notion, “what’s meant to be will always find its way to you.” I’ve met people who are strong advocates for the universe’s “ultimate plan” for each individual, while other’s think it’s just a bunch of bullshit. However, I believe that there are just things in life that are completely out of our control. Intangible things that make us question where we are at the moment. If I close my eyes and think back, I would have never imagined myself being where I am, and doing the things that I’m doing. Maybe you had all these plans: for your future, school, family, or money. But things don’t always end up the way we expect them to be. I’ve always been someone who likes things planned, and to have things in order. Don’t get me wrong,  I love being spontaneous, but having a plan helps me look forward. It helps me take a step forward with confidence. But life has proven to me, time and time again, that the universe’s plan won’t always align with my plans. What the wo

I can't wait to wake up to morning kisses, to unexpected hugs from behind. I am so excited to roll over and crash into you with my arms and legs pulling you in. I can't wait to drink coffee and watch you tell me how  I take too much caffeine. I can't wait   to laugh with you over glasses of wine. No scratch that... over bottles of wine, talking about the things that felt so stressful during the day.  I can't wait to banter over you sneaking to read my writing before I've shown you. I'm so excited to think of the little fights we'd have, the touches that aren't sexual but just slight touches of comfort. I can't wait to stay up watching tv shows and movies and getting obsessed over little things.  I can't wait to take pictures with you, I can't wait to get a puppy together, to travel together, to make plans together and simply love together. I'm so damn excited to find you and to learn all about you and to love the th

I'm trying to get over you so hard. And some days I wake up and think. Yes! Maybe I'm finally free. Free from my echoing thoughts of you. Free from the constant battle of loving you and losing you.  But then on other days I wake up and all I can think about is how your eyes look and how your face looks just before you break into a smile.  Maybe we aren't meant to be together, maybe not now, maybe not ever and I don't want to have a single grain of hope because blessed are those with zero expectations.  But sometimes I think against my own will that what if we break all the laws? Maybe we will forget each other soon but what if we meet again someday in the future and in one look we'll feel the ache in our hearts of our incomplete love and maybe then I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me?  Maybe we are meant to be together, maybe not now but maybe someday. #Maybes 💞

So guys, this is actually a very interesting topic for me because I've been on both end of this, i'm sure a few of us has. I'm currently seeing a soap series called "Rumor Has It" and it really got me thinking; There is this character called Femi. Femi came into the show as a funny and romantic guy but turned into an obsessive freak very quickly and this got me thinking...  How do we know when love turns to obsession and even after we know, how do we walk away without causing any permanent scars. I once dated a guy who was crazy, crazy obsessive. I was not his first, he had dated a few others before me but i remember feeling like he was a learner because he was somewhat naive to a lot of things  that guys his age should be aware of. He was actually my first but it seemed like i knew more about relationships and how to treat a partner better than he did. Don't get me wrong though, he was  sweet and romantic, maybe even too romantic. He was faithful, lovin

i was 7 when I first felt the touch of a man. At the age of 9, I knew what sex was. Though I had never experienced it at the time but I was well aware. Sunday’s were considered play play day for me and my siblings, we stayed in a face me I face you compound somewhere in Lagos and on sundays my parents would go for their Sunday meetings after the morning mass. Sunday’s were my best days because I was so sure my parents would come back home with lots of  goodies, mostly biscuits and groundnut at the time. My dad sometimes came back with garden egg and fried chicken and I and my siblings would fight for the larger share. My parents were very well known in their meetings, they must have been a part of three or four different meetings at the time and they both held positions in most of these meetings. Sometimes, they would host meetings too at our house and i loved that the most because my dad would buy lots of drinks and mumcy would cook very delicious meals. Oh how I loved Sundays. Th